Facebook, for better or worse, is like being at a big party with all your friends, family, acquaintances and co-workers.
There are lots of fun, interesting people you're happy to talk to when they stroll up. Then there are the other people, the ones who make you cringe when you see them coming. This article is about those people.
Sure, Facebook can be a great tool for keeping up with folks who are important to you. Take the status update, the 160-character message that users post in response to the question, "What's on your mind?" An artful, witty or newsy status update is a pleasure -- a real-time, tiny window into a friend's life.
But far more posts read like navel-gazing diary entries, or worse, spam. A recent study categorized 40 percent of Twitter tweets as "pointless babble," and it wouldn't be surprising if updates on Facebook, still a fast-growing social network, break down in a similar way
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The Foodie Facebook User
People who post photos of their food on facebook.Instead of praying and eating their meals, they first post it on the social media. Remember that time where you'd prepare a really impressive meal and you'd take it over to your neighbour's house to share with them? Yeah. Thats much better. On social media, nobody cares what you're eating. It takes a special kind of arrogance to post photos of the fancy five-star restaurants you're eating at. What a humble-brag. Food photos? Just don't post that.
The Passive Aggressive Status Update Poster
Facebook is not your therapist. Vague, passive aggressive status updates do not replace therapy sessions. And there's a Facebook group to prove it. If you have a problem with someone, confront them directly AND NOT ON FACEBOOK. If you need help, say so. But posting "I've had it with manipulative people" or "I'm literally crying right now" and then saying "nothing" when someone inevitably asks you what's wrong, is not ok. You're like the boy who cried wolf. Eventually, people will stop replying to your cries for attention. And then what are you going to do? Switch to Twitter? Expect less sympathy.
The Fitness Junky
Nobody cares that you just logged 25km on your Nike Fitness App at the National Staduim. Every time you boast about your amazing healthy lifestyle your friends are plotting ways to sneak lard into your food. Also, organic diets doesn't mean low fat. Nobody is jealous of your sugar-free organic cheesecake. It probably tastes like nothing. But it's also probably still full of crabs.
The Lurker.
The Peeping Toms of Facebook, these voyeurs are too cautious, or maybe too lazy, to update their status or write on your wall. But once in a while, you'll be talking to them and they'll mention something you posted, so you know they're on your page, hiding in the shadows. It's just a little creepy.
The FourSquare king
He knows all the coolest bars and restaurants and the places in town. And the only thing worse than someone who boasts about the hotspot he's visiting (on a friday night I might add), is someone who checks in at their own home, and lies about visiting a hotstop in town. Your check-ins may score you free entry or discounted drinks but for every dollar you save, your own personal stock will plummet. Meanwhile what are your friends doing while you're busy proving to the world what a social butterfly you are? You're probably missing out on some top-notch conversation. Put the phone down and enjoy the nightlife.
The Paparazzo.
Ever visit your Facebook page and discover that someone's posted a photo of you from last weekend's party -- a photo you didn't authorize and haven't even seen? You'd really rather not have to explain to your mom why you were leering like a drunken hyena and French-kissing a bottle of Jagermeister.
The sanctimonious parent
You post too many photos of your children. And after that horrible, horrible birthing photo, your friends now know more about your va-jay-jay than they would ever wish to. Your offspring's first poo or first solid meal is significant only to you. You are not the first person to have a child, and you're not the last. Spare us your righteous indignation.
The brand man
If you insist on liking pages so that your next meal at Subway is free, at least change your settings so it doesn't appear on the wall of all of your friends. Because now we're getting spammed by them too. Also, most of the competitions you enter are fake. Stop liking brands on Facebook.
The gullible
Facebook is not going to start charging people to use the site. It's also not going to shut down. Use your head. And if you can't trust yourself to exercise basic logic, there's always Google. Take a breath. And stop posting updates with link to fake petitions.
The Humble Brag
The only two scenarios where bragging is appropriate is if you've met your favourite celebrity or have won an award. But if you insist on bragging at least be brazen about it. The internet will give you a pass. We've got your back. But your everyday false modesty is sickening. Instead of relying no Facebook to validate your self-worth, take some time to appreciate how awesome your life is silently and offline.That's true humility.
The "wish you were here" photo poster
"Wow, that stock photo you posted of the mansion with a pool overlooking the ocean makes me jealous of your high-flying life", said none of your contacts. Nobody is fooled by the beautiful photo you pulled off Google. Or the stock photo of a model swimming under a waterfall. We know how much you earn. We like you as you are. Your life is just fine as it is.
Special mentions:
- People who post photos of their nails.
- People with too much time on their hands: Stop clogging up people's walls.
- Racists, bigots,Chykers,scammers, sexists and idiots. Take your vitriol elsewhere.
- Selfies. Enough with the duckface.
- Public Displays of Affection: Your perfect relationship sickens us.
Lol......Please leave you comments...
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