"Sexual disconnection, especially in long-term sexual partners, is common these days. Just as little things can turn you on, trivial things can affect intimacy between partners," says Dr Pawan Sonar, consulting sexologist and psychologist. Lovemaking is like a symphony created by two people, so if one note goes wrong, things can go out of tune. Here are a few ways that couples find themselves sexually mismatched...
Mismatch 1: Sex drive
Pop culture has taught us that women take longer to be aroused whereas men are ready at the word 'go'. However, the process of female arousal can be accelerated. "I'd suggest the male partner to take charge here — by saying things like, 'you're all sweaty, you must be turned on,' the man can actually make a woman believe she is," adds Sonar. This subconsciously reinforces the idea in the brain and signals it to feel aroused. Clitoral stimulation by oral sex is also an effective arousal technique.
Mismatch 2: Dirty talk
If he likes to make dirty talk, but you don't, the easiest way to shut him up would be to plant a passionate kiss on his lips. This may not always serve the purpose, though. Suggests relationship counsellor Seema Hingoranny, "If you cannot keep up with the talking, steer the conversation in a different direction by telling him exactly what you want him to do." This way he still gets a share of the dirty talk while you get to experience pleasure on your terms.
Mismatch 3: Orgasm
Just as you are starting to get into the groove, he may climax. Says Sonar, "The coitus interruptus method is a sure-shot and safe way of prolonging intercourse." If you are nowhere close to reaching orgasm but can sense that he is, ask your man to withdraw or pull out just when he feels he is about to ejaculate. Take a moment's pause and start afresh. This takes the mind off the sexual intensity without losing the tension.
Mismatch 4: Disinterest
You are in the mood for a quickie but he is preoccupied with a page-turning thriller or an IPL match. Instead of waiting for him to initiate sex, give him subtle hints that will direct him towards the bedroom or the couch. Suggests Hingoranny, "Text him a sexual innuendo — that will indirectly convey the message without making you look pushy."
Mismatch 4: Willingness to experiment
We have been conditioned to believe that men are more adventurous in bed and expect their women to be candid as well. However, there could be a time when he is simply unwilling to try something new while you are in the mood to spice things up. Says Sonar, "The pressure to perform could be one reason for his reluctance. In such a case, I'd suggest that you take charge without weighing him down with your expectations."
Trying a new move need not mean the old trick isn't working or that his performance is inadequate; it's something you want to do for fun. Conveying this harmless motive to him will boost his confidence in the sack.
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